The BNP – A Party for the Fashion Discerning Fascist

Angry at the world? Suspicious of foreigners? Looking for a scapegoat? In need of a racist ideological movement to follow but don't think a skinhead haircut will match your wardrobe? If so, then why not take a look at the new Autumn range of clothing and fashion accessories from the British National Party.

Bomber Jackets, Doc Martens and a Hitler tattoo on your arse cheeks are soooo last season. That's why when you join the BNP you are free to don snazzy suits, corporate ties and smart yet comfortable leather shoes. Get out that Giorgio Armani shirt and feel just divine whilst secure in the knowledge that your natural penchant for style is aiding the cause of racial purity.

In the European elections last year, we at the BNP won our first two seats in the European Parliament (not bad for an organisation who's constitution has recently been ruled as illegal due to its restrictions on non-white membership wouldn't you say?). We failed miserably to win seats in the previous set of Euro elections, but through low turnout and voter apathy we have this time triumphed, acquiring the seats without increasing our share of the vote.

But don't think that we are just an obscure, irrelevant minority party with a support base consisting of toothless hicks and 11 fingered inbreds. Far from it - as the recession has set in our popularity has soared. Our fat, toad-faced chairman Nick Griffin is a TV hit, pulling in an audience of almost 8 million viewers last week on the BBC's flagship political debate program, Question Time. The following day a poll revealed that 22% of the population are now 'seriously considering' voting for us at the next general election. So it's confirmed, this years 'in-thing' is thinly veiled fascism and bigotry – forget 'Springtime for Hitler and Germany', this is Autumntime for Griffin and England.

But if you're an old fashioned sort of racist, with a longing for the good old days when 'bashing a paki' and knifing a Jew or two was considered a good evening out, then don't feel as if you have no place in our party. The BNP has its origins in violent militias such as the National Front and Combat 18, and our current policy of dressing like highstreet insurance-salesmen is really just a dubious ploy to convince people that we are no longer thuggish criminals.

If you don't believe me then why not do a quick search on YouTube for the video of our chairman making a speech with white-supremacist David Duke to a KKK meeting, in which Mr Griffin spells out a strategy for gaining power by cynically moderating the message in order to dupe the masses? Truly, we are all things to all men (apart from Jews, Homosexuals, the 'Liberal Elite', those funny looking 'coloureds', and Extremist-Terrorist-Islamofascist-Marxist-InsertRandomDerogatoryPrefixHere-Muslims of course).

Be quick with filling in that BNP application though, because sooner or later the economy might fix itself and people might stop looking for scapegoats. Worse still, some bright spark might figure out that our main base of support is non-racist working class folk who just feel frustrated after being consistently disenfranchised by the state-monopolised political process. If that happened then efforts might be made to re-empower people with control over their own lives, workplaces and communities - and god forbid we could ever allow that, because support for our piddling little party would collapse overnight.

No, it is much better that we preserve the current state-capitalist system that subsidises industry and thus causes the market to produce too much. It is much better that we soak up this excess product via the use of central banks to print money that doesn't really exist. It is much better that the resulting boom-bust cycle is used as a way of creating a pool of constantly unemployed labour. It is much better that we deprive opportunities for working class self-dependence by leaving in place laws that enclose the commons of land, capital and Intellectual property. It is much better that the inevitable migration of workers is used to divide society into opposing groups of foreign and 'indigenous' labour. It is much better that anti trade-union laws are left in place so that wages can be forced constantly downwards and then blamed on the influx of migrants.

Yes, it is much better that the current setup of so-called 'democracy' and 'free-trade' is left in place so that filthy, fascist, authoritarian scumbags such as us can take advantage of peoples insecurities to make a grab at the controls of the whole shitty system. Vote for us and ruin your country whilst causing misery for everyone that doesn't fit the mold of an 'Indigenous Brit'. Yes, go ahead and destroy any chance that the lives of ordinary people can ever be bettered.

Yours Insincerely,

Twatty McTwatface, Head Propagandist for the British National Party